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LTLC is a three-part blog series delving into the art of change - personal, professional, and organizational.
When I was a newlywed, my mother-in-law handed me a delicate crystal glass filled with Chardonnay. I did not spit it out, but I wanted to, lol. So gross, syrupy, like butter. From that point forward, I was the "kind of person" who did not like Chardonnay. Why drink Chardonnay when I could have a craft beer or a big, bold glass of red wine? When asked if I wanted some, I would say, "No, thank you, I do not like the taste of Chardonnay.” Fast forward to my mid-thirties, my sister handed me a glass of white wine and shrieked excitedly," Try this one; it is different!" I tasted perfection. Not to be overly dramatic, but the taste was a revelation. Curious, I asked, 'Pinot Gris?' The response surprised me – CHARDONNAY. It was a crisp, clean Chardonnay. What?! Not only did I like it, I loved it. After that, a whole new world of white wines unfolded before me.
Right now, you might be wondering what my love of Chardonnay has to do with personal development, grant writing, or nonprofit leadership—actually, a lot.
From turning up my nose at Chardonnay to savoring it, I learned about the transformative power of being open to new experiences. It's like realizing the wine you thought you hated can become your all-time favorite! Much like the unpredictability of the nonprofit world, this eye-opening journey got me thinking about change and how to find deeper meaning in success.
You see, at that pivotal moment, I realized that had I not taken that sip of white wine, I might never have uncovered what I now consider my all-time favorite Chardonnays. I would have gone on believing I could never truly love Chardonnay or even tolerate it.
Opening yourself up to new ideas starts with minor changes, unlocking a new world of possibilities akin to the vast realm of Chardonnays waiting to be explored. This mindset applies to the nuances of grape varieties and nonprofit leadership. So, grab a metaphorical (or literal) glass, and let's savor the rich wisdom of embracing change!
Breaking the Strivers Curse with the Growth Mindset
Embracing a growth mindset challenges us to break free from fixed beliefs and explore those characteristics that will sustain our success as we grow.
Since Carol Dwek's well-researched book on mindsets popped on the scene, the "growth mindset" seems all the rage. Okay, maybe only in the personal development circles. But it's not just a buzzword. Believing that your abilities and smarts can evolve through learning and effort is central to being open to change. In contrast, a fixed mindset insists that skills are set in stone, compelling individuals to prove themselves and avoid failure.
Why does this matter? Because it shapes personal growth and success. A growth mindset sets the stage for resilience, learning from setbacks, and a commitment to daily improvement. While a fixed mindset can lead to The 'Striver's Curse.’ A relentless pursuit of external achievements that can stunt personal growth.
The 'Striver's Curse' is a fixed mindset in action. How? The fear of failing and the constant need for the approval of others can make success feel empty over time. But here's the good news – By allowing yourself to embrace change, you can break the Strivers Curse, and your newly found success will feel much more meaningful.
Take it from one of my favorite authors, Arthur Brooks. In his book 'From Strength to Strength,' he talks about turning weakness and change into sources of strength. It's all about making discomfort and change work for you throughout every stage of life.
I will admit I've grappled with the Strivers Curse in my life, So here it goes: I am a self-proclaimed high achiever. I revel in maximizing my time, creating new ideas that move the needle, and living an entire life on purpose and at a level ten. I love going for a bike ride, coming home, and cleaning the closets. Look at everything I just accomplished! Tick that box. I still feel antsy when I sit to watch a movie unless I have worked all day. Like I only deserve pleasurable experiences if I have earned them. Ouch. That is a fixed mindset if I ever heard one.
The downside to a maximizer mindset is that I crash hard, like immovable when I crash. Super high-highs, then low-lows. It took years for me to accept I was not superwoman and that it was NOT only NOT my role to "save the day," but detrimental to my physical and mental well-being.
More on how I changed later on, but first, let's talk about identity.
The Influence Of Identity On Making Big Changes
Identity is critical to personal growth because your self-image changes throughout life. It can be challenging to navigate these changes if you don't have a strong sense of who you are outside of your roles.
Who are you if you aren't a daughter, a mom, a teacher, a leader, a wife, a husband, a CEO, a member of a specific organization, or an elder? Fill in the blank: I take great pride in introducing myself as _______________. Okay, now think about it. What if that was gone? Who would you be? Would you still be you?
I am not against identity. I love being my husband's wife, a grant writer, a business owner, an indoor cycling enthusiast. But I am not the sum of these things. I am something greater. There is deep meaning in creating a legacy, no doubt about it. And it is okay to grieve the loss of an identity. But who are you when you stop being the "thing" you are known for being? This mentality is the "rub," right? The tiny factor that can get us stuck, immovable, and frankly, stunt our potential. Some of us find primary identification in our work, career, or familiar roles, especially in Western society.
I can attest to how losing a big piece of your identity feels. I was the Executive Director, a significant role I played for over 20 years. I had tied my self-worth to my career, and after dedicating 13 years, with 8 of them as an Executive Director, to our local education foundation, I felt a shift within me. It wasn't burnout but rather a sense that I no longer belonged. Between late 2019 and December 2021, I decided to leave. You see those memes “people don't leave companies; they leave bad work environments” or “bad bosses,” but the people at the foundation were terrific. Surely that could be enough, right? A fantastic team, board, and teachers to serve? I wanted it to be, but by the end of Dec. 2021, I knew it was a lie.
The change was personal - my identity was evolving, and my calling was becoming clear: Impact that moves mountains–Inspiring others to let their lights shine. Despite the fantastic team and board, I knew staying would mean playing small in my own life.
I have one journal entry where I wrote, “I wish this calling would leave me alone.” I felt like Elsa in Frozen II. It was annoying, and y’all, it was hard, really, really hard.
The transition was tough; I remember the day I finally decided I would leave. I cried a lot. Yes, from relief, but also because I knew I would have to take the time to grieve the loss of this identity, this chapter I had created, cultivated, and the work I had at one point deeply cared about. I also loved serving our teachers. Truly. With my whole being.
I knew what waited would be where I needed to be. I'd have to give up control to create. I'd have to stay firm in my resolve and not give into the fear telling me I was crazy. It was the boldest and kindest act of self-worth I had ever done for myself. I felt terrified, secure, and excited all at once. And I knew it was precisely my next right move, even if no one else understood.
Because when you know, you know.
Embracing Change for Personal Growth and Success
According to Brendan Burchard, a thought leader, a high achiever is someone who "succeeds beyond standard norms over the long-term, consistently performing at their best." He explains that if you are lonely at the top,…you did it wrong. I was fortunate to see my Dad role model this for me as a leader; he always had a fantastic support system around him, both friends and colleagues.
The habits and personal systems I put in place ten years ago just don't work anymore, but yes, they did work, and I am thankful for them. I am naturally a maximizer when it comes to my time. This part of me is an asset, but I can't always be in the driver's seat. Maximizing time and getting it all done is suitable for short spurts, but long-term? Quality suffers.
For example, if I had an upcoming deadline, I used to wait until the deadline and then rush to get it done. Why? Well… I was doing that in every area of my life, squeezing it all in, and that was the time I was allocated. It was the default method I used to create output. And it worked, until one day, it just didn't anymore.
When I shifted my mindset to seek quality, all my processes shifted, too. I had to use backward mapping (start with the end in mind and work backward to create the result) to produce quality results. And, I built in buffers like extra time to listen to music, take breaks to work on a puzzle, or even put my phone away because a quick reply via text when I am writing can take me twenty minutes to recover from. This fact is not unsurprising, as the average time it takes to return to work after being interrupted is 25 minutes and 26 seconds!
I see this in organizations, too, when leaders say in frustration, "This always used to work; WHO is the problem?" without acknowledging the organization and its clients shifted somewhere along the way while they were doing the “same thing.” But we can't serve our organizations and create a lasting impact if we aren't willing to get uncomfortable. We must look inward and realize we must also grow and shift to see our organizations grow. I appreciate the simplicity of Board Source’s Lifecycle Assessment tool for leadership capacity and organizational growth. You can find it on their website: Board Source.
Permitting ourselves to see ourselves differently helps us release judgment on our actions, enabling us to make lasting, sustainable changes. Both personally and professionally. I see this in the nonprofit world, too; small nonprofits that start with a founder and experience a lot of growth must allow themselves to see themselves differently and either shift or cling to the past and hold themselves back.
From my experience in shifting my identity to align with my calling. I realized that instead of fighting this change, I embraced it, made it my strength, and stepped out of the mud of the "Strivers Curse." Once my identity shifted to align with my calling, I could see myself differently, not as the ED or the Maximizer, but as Christine, the creator and entrepreneur. Suppose I had stayed a maximizer and clung to my identity as an Executive Director. In that case, I'd have never experienced my life as it is now, grant writer and indoor cycling enthusiast!
How Chardonnay Ignited the Flame of Personal Growth in Me
From my journey of learning to love Chardonnay, it's clear that change is an art. Like the delicate crystal glass that once held a dreaded Chardonnay, personal growth demands a willingness to savor life's complexities.
Trying something I once hated wasn't the only factor in my growth journey, but it did shift my outlook on dealing with significant changes in my life and career. Learning to love Chardonnay ignited the flame of personal growth in me by allowing me to open myself up to the endless possibilities of white wines and giving myself the grace to see myself as a Chardonnay lover. It was a slight shift that was also big.
In acknowledging what worked in the past may not serve us well in the future, we uncover the necessity of change. The story of my career transition highlighted the courage it takes to step into the unknown, shedding an old identity to embrace a new calling. It's not about resisting discomfort but using it as a tool for transformation. The nonprofit world, too, must recognize that growth requires seeing itself differently, shedding old identities, and embracing the discomfort that comes with lasting sustainable change.
So, as we wrap up part one in this three-part series, let's toast to the ever-evolving journey of personal growth, where change isn't just a constant but a delightful adventure. So next time you get ready to pop open a bottle of red, maybe consider trying a white. It might surprise you. Cheers!
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This was such a fruitful post - I cannot wait for part 2! I love the identity component and honor your authenticity and vulnerability in sharing your story with us. Plus perhaps one day this red-wine-girlie will sample a taste of Chardonnay.